Father’s Day

Have you ever had that feeling that you have no where to go? Of course you do, you have your siblings and the house your staying at, the roof over your head, but you just feel like you have no where to go?

You drive around and around aimlessly without an end destination but looking for one, wanting one, needing one.

I pull up to my parents home, my old home and expect the feeling of “this is it” to appear over me like it always did in the past but it doesn’t, because they are gone, the furniture is gone, it’s just a house now, not a home. It’s only a shell.

So I get back into my car and start my driving again, around the streets, around the blocks trying to find that place of belonging, that place where I feel “this is where I’m meant to be” but it doesn’t come, I have no end destination, I have no home to pull up to and breathe a sigh of relief that I’ve come to where I’m meant to be.

I find myself back at my parents old home, sitting in the car, out the front, feeling lost, like I don’t belong, I know it won’t be long until I start driving again,

Like a vicious cycle of trying to find something I don’t have anymore.

How long do I keep driving for?

How long until I feel like I have an end destination again?

How long will this go on?

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